Becoming Lauren
by TaliDaniellaDavid
Summary: Emily Prentiss finds her happily ever after when she falls in love with her kidnapper, Ian Doyle. She lets "Lauren" they part of her that loves him, take over. Starts like my other story, but the team won't find her. Emily/Ian pairing
1. Chapter 1

AN: These first 4 chapters are the same as the ones from SSA Emily Prentiss, with just a few changes. I don't have anything with the team in here, they will never find her. This story will go in another direction. Also, instead of the U.S. Declan goes to Dublin.

Emily POV

"You wanna know his last words to me"?

I knew my only chance was to tell him that Declan was alive, to make him believe it. Ian had no qualms about hurting me, torturing me, killing me, but I knew where his son was. Sure, he could find out other ways, but he would no doubt think this was easier. Pain coursed through my veins as he hurt me again. My whole body ached from everything I had been through lately. I was so tired, just so tired. I gasped, and then continued.

"He said, 'I looked pretty good for a dead kid'"

Ian softened a bit at this, but that only worried me more. When he whispered "He's alive?" I nodded slowly, and was shocked as Ian picked me up in his arms, and ran toward the exit. His heavy footfalls jarred him with every step, and I fought to stay conscious in his arms. He was muttering to himself, and didn't seem quite sane. To my experienced self, he seemed to slipping into a delusion.

Soon I became "Lauren" instead of "Emily" and the way he held me became more tender than harsh. I whimpered from the pain and that seemed to refocus him on me. I was only a bit surprised when he stopped for a second, cradled my head and kissed my forehead. Then, he smiled.

"We are going to find Declan, and then we can be a family. Like we used to be".

I knew then that he was delusional, and I quickly profiled him. It was hard for me to focus, but it wasn't as is his actions were difficult to figure out. If I went along with his delusion, I would be quite safe, he wouldn't hurt me physically, but like many unsubs before him, if I refused to play along he would become extremely violent. I knew he would find Declan even if I didn't reveal his location, and with me around the poor boy probably had a better chance.

My decision was made, I would become Lauren Reynolds once again. The loving faithful girlfriend to Ian Doyle, a terrorist.

"Declan is living in a town called Melta, in Montana"

Ian's contacts managed to get us on a private plane to Montana, and after that we got a rental car and drove to the small town of Melta. He either held my hand, or wrapped his arm around me the whole time. He would whisper into my ear, tell me that he loved me. He loves me, but I don't love him. I never did. I couldn't love him. I shouldn't have. I did. But not anymore. Not anymore. No.

He was possessive, like I would be taken away from him at any moment. I could understand why he felt that way, but I was **not** his to have in the first place. I was my own person, I always had been. Even when I was undercover, I wasn't really his. Maybe a little, maybe mostly his, but never completely. There was always a rational "Emily" part of me that didn't love him. Didn't belong to him. Lauren loved him, was his. Maybe the rest of me did too. Maybe not. But never that one, small, rational part.

"Soon, my love, we will be a family. Maybe we can even have a child, like we talked about. Your only qualm was our line of work, which is quite different now, isn't it"?

To any bystander we looked like a happy couple, visiting friends or family. We smiled, laughed, held hands as we walked to the car rental. He held my hand, and called me "love" when he asked what kind of car we would get. I smiled, and giggled.

"I don't care, chose whatever you want honey". Deep inside I cringed, but my perfectly schooled features revealed nothing. I knew that my part had to be played to perfection, if but one person was suspicious Doyle might very well snap. If that happed it would be more than just my life on the line. He would likely go on a spree.

The physical contact made me feel sick at first, but soon I grew used to the feeling. I reverted back to the Lauren part of myself. Lauren liked it. Lauren loved him. I'm not Lauren. I'm not. No.

I had played this role once, I could do it again. I knew chances were that I would be doing much worse pretty soon, so I tried to grow as numb as possible. Lauren helped me, helped Emily. Compartmentalizing was a skill I had possessed for many years, thanks to my upbringing in the political world, but it seemed like such a struggle now.

When we arrived in Melta, we drove for a bit and then we waited outside the small house where Declan lived. As we waited outside for Declan, Ian latched onto my waist and turned me towards him. I gave him a smile, but on the inside I was grimacing.

He tilted my head up, and lowered his lips to meet mine. They were dry and cracked, moving with almost bruising force as they forced me to reciprocate. The rough stubble on his cheeks scratched my porcelain skin, and I felt the urge to throw up. He tasted like stale alcohol, and airplane pretzels. I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as they could go, and tried not to tense up as his tongue tangled with mine. I tried to imagine he was someone else. Anyone else. That didn't work, so I became Lauren. Lauren liked it. Lauren leaned in to him, put her arms on the back of his neck. Lauren wanted more. But I'm not Lauren. I'm not. No.

He then pulled back, seemingly satisfied for now, and I became Emily again. The feeling of sickness came back, then slowly left, but never went completely. I tried to compartmentalize, which is what kept me sane last time, to no avail.

Soon the boy was brought out to us. He was about 12 now, the white blond curls that had previously adorned his head were darker now, they almost looked more brown than blond. Otherwise he looked much the same, albeit much older, but had a look of terror on his face. I assumed that they had "taken care" of Louise, as she never made it out of the house. There was nothing that I could do to help her, but I felt bad anyways. She had always been kind to me, I let my guard down a bit around her a few times.

Declan seemed to recognize us, and subsequently donned a look of confusion. I ran up to him, embraced him, and whispered into his ear.

"Remember me? Your dad is a little confused right now, he thinks we are a family. We have to play along though, it will be like a game. Can you do that for me, Declan? It will be just like playing house as a kid. Okay?"

Declan nodded, and forced a smile. I realized Louise must have told him something, he must know about his dad. I knew he was old enough, that he could understand more. Later, I would tell him more. He was 12. I still thought of him as the little boy I played hide and seek with. The only I chased around the villa, laughing happily. I loved Declan. That was something Lauren and Emily agreed on. He seemed to trust me, so I grabbed his hand and led him back to Ian, who engulfed him in a hug.

"Declan, you remember Lauren. She is going to be your new mother. Isn't that great? We are going away to live as a family. You will like it there, I promise".  
I could see Declan's expression as his dad hugged him, it was scared and slightly resigned. He was much to mature for his age. No child should have to go through this. I needed to keep him safe. Both Lauren and Emily wanted to keep him safe.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily POV

The next plane ride was longer, but much more pleasant. From the little TV screens in the armrests of the seats I could see that we were heading east, towards Europe. My best guess was that we were heading to Ireland.

Ian would want to go back to his comfort zone, where he would like his delusion to take place. I didn't know what would happen in the future, if he would ever snap, or even just grow tired of playing happy family. I didn't want to consider what might happen then to me, or Declan.

I was happy to fade into the background as Ian focused on Declan. He hadn't seen his son in 7 years, but didn't seem to realize that. He asked him about school, sports, and girls like no time had passed. Declan did just what I had asked of him, played his role perfectly. He did seem genuinely happy to see his Dad, and I didn't know how to feel about that.

Lauren clung to Ian, holding on to him, loving the way him and his son interacted. She would nuzzle her face into his neck, sleep with her head on his shoulder when she got tired. Not me. I wanted to shrink away, to escape. Go to the restroom and stay there awhile. Claim motion sickness. Take Declan far away, protect him from loving Ian. The man Lauren loved. The man I didn't love. Because I am not Lauren. No.

I sat next to Ian, and he held my hand, kept me close. It didn't bother me much anymore, Lauren was easier and easier to find. Not just to find, to become. I could slip away, become Lauren, and forget. Forget that the man holding her was a killer. Forget everything but the love Ian had for her. The love she had for him. I tried to be me, to be Emily. Emily could figure out how to get out of here. Lauren didn't want to leave. But I am not Lauren. No.

A few hours later we disembarked the plane. It looked to be early morning, just after sunset. We were in a big field in the middle of nowhere, and walked up to 2 men standing by 2 vehicles. One was a dark SUV type and the other a small red car. The men driving got out, and greeted Ian like old friends.

Lauren, on the other hand, allowed Ian to wrap an arm around her shoulder and introduced herself. When the men said that they had a "beautiful family" Lauren was proud, and clung to Ian tighter while ruffling Declan's hair. I wanted to shout! No! We are not a family, we are not happy. But honestly, I didn't know if I believed that myself anymore.  
When I became Lauren, I was happy. Lauren was blessed out, because Lauren was in love. I really liked being Lauren, but I was not Lauren. I'm not Lauren.  
We got into the dark SUV, Ian driving with me in the passenger seat and Declan in the back. I met his eyes in the mirror, and he gave me a soft smile. Emily smiled back. Lauren smiled back. I smiled back.

We arrived at a large...manor type house. There was a black wrought iron fence surrounding the house, but it was not ominous. The wrought iron curved and warped into beautiful patters, hiding what it really was. A cage. That's what I thought of it. Lauren merely admired the beauty of it. She had no desire to leave. She loved him.  
The gates opened and we pulled through. There was a large green yard with colossal trees framing a dirt drive, which led to the garage. We parked outside, and got out of the car. Lauren turned to Ian, and smiled.

"It's beautiful. I...don't know what to say".

"Not as beautiful as you, love".

I looked up at him through my dark lashes as he pulled my face up towards his. This time, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Not once did Emily slip through and, well, ruin the moment. I allowed myself to be Lauren, it just became easier and easier.

This time, the feeling of his lips, his tongue, on mine excited me. I loved his taste, the way his stubble brushed my face. It had always been like that, always. Kissing Ian was unmistakable, and Lauren, well, Lauren loved Ian. He slipped his fingers slightly under the back of my shirt, rubbing the soft skin there, before pulling away slowly. He smiled, Lauren smiled. I did not smile.

I pulled Declan towards me and embraced him, as a safety. When Declan was the focus, I didn't have to be Lauren, because I loved Declan too.

"Welcome home, love".

Our day was spent exploring the house, and getting to know Declan. The house was gorgeous, full of antique wood furniture. He gave us the tour, saving the bedrooms for last. I was in awe as we walked through the kitchens, dining, and family rooms.

The house was on a river, and there was a huge swimming pool out back, along with a hot tub. When we went upstairs he skipped most of the rooms, saying they were empty. He then came to a wooden door that had the name "Declan" burned in the door. Branded. Like me.

The room was decorated with dark blues and greens, and contained everything a 12 year old boy could ever want. Declan opted to stay in his room, and check out his video games, so Ian and I continued alone.

The master bedroom was a beige color, and the bed was a dark walnut with a brown duvet. I got nervous and clammy just looking at the room, for I knew what would no doubt be in store for me there tonight.

"Just wait until Declan goes to bed, love. Then we will have our fun".

This made Lauren excited. Lauren loved Ian. Lauren couldn't wait to sleep with him, to hold him close, to be joined with him in the most intimate of ways. But I am not Lauren. No. I was not excited, I was dreading it. I knew though, that I would just let Lauren take over once again, and she would enjoy it. I would enjoy it. Like I always had. All those years after the assignment, that was what I regretted the most. I had enjoyed it. I will enjoy it. There is nothing I can do to change that.

Ian and I wandered the grounds hand in hand, admiring the beautiful surroundings. If I was going to live here, I might as well enjoy the little things.  
The way the sound of the river rushing filled the air, the smell of freshly cut grass, the slight chill of the wind against my skin. All of those things made both Emily and Lauren happy in that moment. For once, I was not divided. I was whole.

Dinner was enjoyable, we ate outside on the porch, with all the nature surrounding us. The chef prepared a wonderful meal, and we had wine. I drank quite heavily, but not enough to arouse suspicion. I would need all the courage I could get. Declan was enjoying himself, I knew that for now I didn't have to worry about him. I worried for myself. For Emily. Lauren was happy though.

After we said goodnight to Declan, Ian took my hand and led me up to the bed room. He smiled at me before pulling me into a kiss. I felt sick, and dirty and used. So dirty. So, I turned to Lauren. I began to notice a pattern, just when Emily would get strong, I would stop, and go back to Lauren. I was losing Emily, losing part of myself. Frankly, it scared me.

Lauren. Lauren responded to him, put her arms around his neck. She played with the hair there, and nibbled on his lower lip. Ian pushed Lauren down on the bed. Took off her clothes, piece by piece. She writhed under his touch, aching for more. She loved him, loved his touch. Her hands explored him, and soon shed him of his clothing completely.

Emily only resurfaced once, when Ian traced the clover on her breast, with his finger, his lips, his tongue. The skin there was still oh so sensitive. It was only a few days ago that he put it there. Emily nearly started crying, not from pain. From fear. The look in his eyes scared me, scared Emily. It was so primal, so possessive. He like seeing his mark, his signature, on her skin. It would stay there forever.

"Mine".

Then, Emily was gone once again, replaced by Lauren, who arched into him. Lauren liked the clover, the way it made her feel. The physical evidence of his claim on her. When he entered her, moved within her, Lauren felt only pleasure. The sensations peaked, and still Emily was nowhere to be found.

I am Emily, but I am also Lauren. I have given up trying to hide that part of me. She is a part of me. But who is stronger, Lauren or Emily? Or more accurately, is my love for Ian stronger than my fear of him? Lauren and Emily are they same person, me. The only difference lies in my feelings for Ian. My very complicated, conflicting feelings for Ian. When I am Lauren, I cannot be Emily. But When I am Emily, I cannot be Lauren. Eventually, I must choose, and let a part of me go.

Emily was gone, for now. Deep down in Lauren's mind, Emily struggled to break free. But, it was Lauren's mind today, with Emily as a guest. Today, love defeated fear.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily POV

The next few months passed in a blur of love, sex, and joy. Ian and I were happy, just spending time together. We went to dinner, and talked to our neighbors, made friends. No one suspected anything was wrong. Okay, who am I kidding? Nothing was wrong. I loved this new life, my new life. It was the most normal life I had ever lived. I never knew normal could feel so good.

Declan settled right in, and after a few weeks, he started at the local school. He loved it, and everyday he would come home, telling us something new that he learned. He made friends, who came to visit sometimes, and I was amused when I watched them play out in the yard, laughing and shouting. Their mothers would talk to me, treat me no different than anyone else. They were always in awe of me and Ian, how perfect our life seemed to be. I remember one day when Declan's best friend's mother brought him over.

"You and Ian look so happy. How do you do it"?

I said, I didn't know, that we were "just lucky, and in love".

She smiled and accepted my answer.

I was so happy. Overjoyed. Content. No longer did I have to worry about being in danger, catching serial killers. I was blissfully unaware of the outside world, living in my own little world, with Ian. No sleepless nights, or terrifying nightmares. Just sweet words and gentle caresses, declarations of love and infatuation. Games of tag, and soccer in yard. Swimming in the pool, sometimes in my clothes. Ian would just jump in, and pull me in after him.

I had no desire to be found. I knew I would be taken from Ian, or he would be taken away from me. If they found him, I knew he or they would inevitably end up in a body bag. I couldn't handle that. No.

Emily was long gone, I was Lauren. I don't mean I was an arms dealer, or that I liked different things. No. Being Lauren meant that I loved Ian with all my heart, and that I would do anything for him. Anything. Everything.

I had so many good memories of those first few months, with both Declan, and Ian. One day Declan wanted to go to the park, and when he asked me, I gave him permission. As he ran off to gather his stuff, he said something, that he had never said before.

"Thanks mom!"

He also seemed to realize what he had done, and stopped short, turning back towards me. I smiled at him, silently saying that it was okay with me. He understood, and hugged me. From that moment on, I was "mom". When Ian heard about this, he wasn't surprised.

"You have always been a mother to him, love. It's what I always wanted for him, for us". And then he kissed me, cradled my face tenderly in his until we ran out of air. I loved kissing Ian. I loved Ian.

I remember waking up one morning, alone. I wondered where Ian went. He was always there when I woke up. Usually we were so tangled that you couldn't tell where he ended an I began. But not that day.

I rose slowly and threw on the silk robe by my bed. Under the robe lie a handwritten note, and I recognized Ian's characteristic scrawl immediately. The note said:  
Get dressed, and meet me in the gardens. I have a surprise for you.  
All my love,  
Ian

I finished my typical morning routine quicker than usual, which was probably because Ian was not there to, distract me. I pulled on a light yellow sundress and strappy sandals, and let my raven hair hang undisturbed.

I opened the big glass back door and walked towards the gardens. There was a path that winded through, lined with flowers. I started on the path, for I didn't know exactly where Ian was. When I got to my favorite flowers, Ian was standing there. I rushed to him and there my arms around him, kissing him lightly before pulling back.

"So, where's my surprise". He then got down on one knee, and pulled a black velvet box from his trouser pocket.

"Lauren, I love you so much. I was overjoyed when I got you back, and I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me"?  
I didn't even have to think. My answer was obvious.

"Yes, yes!"

We set a date for the wedding, exactly one year later. It was a beautiful time, and during the small window of time where my favorite flowers bloomed. Things didn't exactly go as planned, but I didn't mind.

Our plans were changed when about a month later I began to feel sick. I would wake up early in the mornings and run to the bathroom, barely making it before I threw up in the toilet. Ian would come and hold my hair up, and at first we just thought that it was a stomach bug or something.

After a few days with no improvement, we began to get suspicious. We hadn't really talked about kids, but we both knew the signs, so later that day Ian went to the local drugstore and picked up a few tests. We had a five minute conversation about the future while we waited for the stick to turn pink.

Ian was delighted, and was practically pacing the room with excitement. I was happy, of course, I had always wanted kids, but I had some concerns. I was older now, and so the risks were higher, but Ian reassured me, and soon my fears were transformed into excitement. We were going to have a baby!

We decided to wait until a while after the baby was born to have the wedding, because I vehemently refused to look like a whale on my wedding day.  
I thought about what he or she would look like. Maybe she would have Ian's light hair and my eyes, or maybe she would look just like him, or me. There were so many possibilities, but what I wanted most was a little girl with my dark hair, and Ian's startling blue green eyes.

When we told Declan, we were cautious. He had gotten used to having all our attention, and we didn't know how he would feel about having a brother or sister that much younger than him. We were pleasantly surprised when he took it all in stride, and quickly took on the role of older brother. Because the baby wasn't born yet, he took to protecting me. If I ran "too fast" or went outside when it was "too cold" he would scold me.

"That's not good for the baby. You gotta be careful. I'm gonna be an older brother, so I have to make sure she stays safe".

I'm pretty sure Ian put him up to it, but I didn't mention it. Ian an had the tendency to be extreme in everything he did, and that included my protection. I thought it was cute, albeit annoying sometimes. I loved Ian.

Yes, she. When the time came, we had opted to find out the sex of the baby. Ian wanted to make the nursery perfect, and to do so he wanted to know whether to get princess or train wallpaper. Every time we got a sonogram picture, we put it up on the fridge. When you looked at the pictures, you could see her growing, getting bigger.

Ian was the best during my pregnancy, he catered to my every whim. We had our fights, but he was good about calming me down before they escalated. He even went out a couple of times in the middle of the night to get mint ice cream and banana peppers. Yes, I liked them together, along with a assortment of strange things on top. It ranged from almond slivers to marshmallows, and everything in between.

I remember the first time I felt her move. It was slight, and little, but I felt it. I was startled at first, and let out a gasp. Ian came over, wondering what was wrong. I took his hand and placed in on my swollen stomach. She moved again, and Ian looked at me with pure love in his eyes. He kissed me with the most love and passion that I had ever felt, and then he leaned down, kissed my stomach and started talking to her.

"I love you and your mother so much. Yes I do...".

Every night we would read a story to her, and when she was restless and moving around, he would put on soft music. I said it didn't do much, but Ian insisted. Even when I was eight months along, and felt like a whale, Ian still told me everyday that I was beautiful. He was so sweet. I loved Ian.

One day when I was particularly hormonal, I realized that in a week, it would had been a year since Ian had taken me. I didn't understand, it had flew by so fast. For the first time in a long time, I thought about the team, and felt bad. I came to the conclusion that they probably had assumed I was dead a long time ago. In my eyes that was a good thing, I didn't want to be found.

I cried anyways, because I missed them, and I cried for the grief I knew I was putting them through. Also, I was eight months pregnant for goodness sakes! Ian found me crying, and asked what was wrong. I said that I didn't know, even though I loved him I knew how he would react if I brought up the past. I was still myself, still a profiler. I knew what he was. I loved him anyways.


	4. Chapter 4

Emily POV

She was born in late April. During that special time where all the flowers boomed until the world was full of color, and all the birds sang their songs, filled the air with music and joy. She brought more happiness into our lives than anything else. I loved her with all my heart, unconditionally, and I knew that I would continue to do so forever.

Amelia Joy Doyle, that was her name. Lia for short. She was beautiful, exactly perfect. She had 10 fingers and 10 toes and that little button nose and innocence every child should have. She had a full head of dark soft hair, and baby blue eyes. Her hair was dark brown, almost black, the same shade as mine, which was an amazing contrast to her eyes. As she grew older they darkened at bit, and turned more green than blue. The color of the very first leaves on a tree in the spring, just after they revealed themselves to the awestruck world. Perfect.

Lia was a difficult child, I had spent countless hours in labor, but she was worth it. Labor was easily the worst pain I had ever experienced, but she was worth it a thousand times over. Lia was fussy, and barely ever slept, especially for long periods of time, but when she did, it was amazing. I loved watching her. I would feed her and then rock her until she succumbed to sweet sleep, and watch her innocent face as she dreamt.

She was so peaceful. Untainted by all the evil in the world. I decided that day, that I would do my best to keep her that way for as long as I could. I would protect her from everything I could. I would never be the distant, uncaring parent that mine were. I would always be there when she needed me. Always.

Ian was great with her, helping me and always waking up at all hours during the night to change her, or whatever was needed at the time. She already had him completely wrapped around her finger, from the moment he saw her.

I knew she was going to be Daddy's little princess. He would be the one to give into her every whim, and I would have to be the strict parent. I didn't know how well that would work out though. I didn't think I could deny her anything either.

He loved her name, so much that he refused to use the nickname that me and Declan had grown fond of. He always called her Amelia, if not Amelia Joy. I loved the way it sounded with his voice, his accent. It made it seem even more special. I asked him why he used her full name one day, and he said it was a beautiful name, and he liked the way it rolled off his tongue. I knew that wasn't the truth, so I pried a but more.

He admitted that his parents had chosen a short name for him, but even then they didn't have the time for him to address him by name. He was always "boy" or "you". It broke my heart that his childhood had been like that, though mine had not been much better. I embraced him, and thanked him for sharing that with me. Ian was a private person, and even me, his fiancée, didn't hear much about his childhood, or other things he was secretive about. I knew not to pry, he opened up best when it was of his own initiative.

Declan took to his little sister like bees to honey. He loved her right away, and spent more time with her than I had expected. He was a 13 year old boy, who had a short attention span. She was an infant who didn't do much besides sleep, and cry. But sometimes he would ask to hold her, and just sit in the sofa and talk to her. He told her stories, read her books, and every time she moved or even blinked, he would watch in awe.

If she did something particularly special, like smile or coo, he would call to me. Declan would tell me what she had done with a proud tone of voice and a soft smile. I would listen, and praise him for being such a good older brother.

I loved our little family. I had never been happier. Being a mother was the best thing that had even happened to me. I now understood everything that JJ and Hotch had said, understood how just a glimpse of your child could make you entire day worth it.

My days were filled, with Lia, and Declan I was rather busy. I would spend the day with Lia and Ian, and I put her down for a nap around the time when Declan got home from school every day. We would play a game, or I would help him with his homework. Then we would spend time as a family, and have dinner. After Declan and Lia went to sleep, I had along time with Ian.

The spark, the passion between us, hadn't faded, or gone away. It still seemed to be growing, multiplying. He could still make me want him with a single kiss, or a few choice words and touches. Life couldn't get much better than this.

A few months later Declan went on a trip with his classmates to Dublin. It was kinda nice to have Declan out of the house for awhile, don't get me wrong, I loved him so much and missed him terribly, but it was a nice break. We still had Lia, but she slept a lot and didn't complain every time we showed affection for each other. Declan was old enough to not think kissing was gross, but that didn't apply to when his parents did it.

Every time we kissed he would at the very least make a face, and most of the time he would cry out "Gross!". Needless to say it was nice not hearing that constantly, as, well, Ian couldn't keep his hands off me.

At first when we got back together I thought it was normal, I thought the clingyness and possessiveness would fade. Alas, that was not the case. If anything, it grew as time went on. Whenever he was around me, which was almost all the time as we both didn't really work, he would wrap an arm around me, hold my hand, or place his hand on the small of my back. We were always touching, and we were always around each other.

I never went anywhere without him, and he never went anywhere without me. Even menial tasks like grocery shopping or running errands were done together. The only time he ever went anywhere without me was right after Lia was born and we needed diapers. He ran to the store and grabbed some quickly, coming straight back. It only took a few minutes, and even that was weird. I was totally dependent on his constant presence. Even around the house we were always together, well, except for that one day.

Lia had kept me up all night and was crying again, and I just snapped.

"Ian, hurry up! I'm getting a headache from all her crying and I'm so tired".

"Lo, if I heat up the bottle any faster it will get too hot, and then we'll have to let it cool down. You know that".

"God, can you stop being such a smartass for one minute! Seriously. You never do anything wrong, according to you. Well, according to me you do! Ugh, take her for awhile. I'm going for a walk".

I angrily slammed the door and stomped my way out into the garden. I took a path that led through the woods towards the river. I walked quickly, taking out my frustration on the hard ground beneath me. He was just too perfect sometimes. It was infuriating! Even the sounds of the rushing water and chirping birds did nothing to calm my temper. I didn't notice the flowers and leaves around me, nor the puffy white clouds in the sky. I stared at my feet and kicked small rocks as I walked. I was pissed. So pissed.

I found my favorite spot, which was a rock on the edge of the river where you could let your feel just skim the water. I sat down, took my shoes and socks off, let my feet dangle in the cool water, and then the damn broke.

A waterfall of tears burst out of my eyes. I knew it was just hormones, but that certainly didn't make me feel any better. If anything it just made me feel stupid and much worse. I cried for awhile and then I heard footsteps.

I looked up and it was Ian. He sat down my me tentatively, encouraged when I didn't shout at him or shoot him a death glare. I had a very good death glare, I had worked for Hotch for 4 years, I was bound to pick up on it!

"The housekeeper is looking after Amelia for a while. She finally fell asleep".

I nodded, but didn't say anything. I wasn't quite ready to talk to him yet.

"Look, Lo. I'm sorry I upset you. I know it's hard right now with Amelia but it will get better, I promise".

I smiled softly at him, but still didn't say anything. We sat in silence for a few minutes, me calming down, and him waiting for me to talk to him again. he knew when I was mad it was best to let me calm down, not to push.

We had a couple squabbles here and there, but this was the worst so far. I finally calmed down and actually looked Ian in the eyes. He was looking at me with an apprehensive, slight terrified expression. I almost laughed at this, but held it in.

"It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped too. I'm just so tired lately".

"I know, it'll get better. I love you".

He leaned down towards me and pressed his lips against mine, softly at first, and then more insistently. I responded, sighing as the familiar feeling engulfed me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and melted into him. It didn't grow heated though. It was a kiss of comfort, not one of passion. We pulled back, and then hugged tightly.

"I love you too".


	5. Chapter 5

AN: So, I know its really short, but in my defense its really hard to write him dying in one fic and Hotch hating him and then happy go lucky family life in another! Also, let me know what you guys want in future chapters, I don't know what to write so I am open for suggestions.

Emily POV

Declan came back from his trip safe and sound, with lots of stories to tell. Apparently the hotel they had slept in was circular, and they had run around the loop on every floor. I laughed when he told me that story, which encouraged him.

He then proceeded to tell me more and more and more. He told me about how he talked to the girl he had a crush on, and how she had smiled at him. He even held her hand for a little while. I thought it was cute how juvenile he still was, I enjoyed watching him delight in the little things. I especially liked watching him with Lia. Every time she smiled at him, reached for him, or sat up a little bit, he would tell me about it...

"Mom! Mom! Come quick!" I rushed over, my maternal instincts immediately making me want to fix whatever was wrong.

"What's wrong Dec?"

"She like, pushed herself up. It looked like she was gonna crawl or something".

"Sorry Dec, she probably won't crawl for awhile. But she can lift herself up a bit".

"Well that's good, cause Dad said I didn't crawl till late and it wouldn't be fair if she was stronger than me. I mean, she's a girl!"

Lia was growing quickly and seemed to be learning things everyday. It amazed me, and I felt like if I blinked I would miss something. I almost did one day. I had just finished feeding Lia and had handed her off to Ian. I headed out towards the kitchen to make some lunch for us, and I barely heard Lia's little voice.

"Mama!"

I spun around quickly, my face lighting up in a smile.

"Did she...?"

Ian, who had heard her better, nodded, and I rushed over to them. I took Lia and held her close to, staring into her beautiful green eyes. Ian came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, looking over my shoulder at Lia. We stayed there awhile, just enjoying the moment. Eventually Lia fell asleep, and I put her back in her crib. I turned around to face Ian, and we beamed at each other.

"She's so amazing".

I knew he thought the same, but had to voice it anyways. She was so beautiful. So perfect.

"I know".

I smiled and moved forward to kiss him lightly. After a few seconds I pulled back, and murmured against his lips.

"I love you".

He kissed me again and again, lightly and sweetly. I smiled against his lips, I was just so happy.

"I love you too".


End file.
